I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
