Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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