Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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