he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
