im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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