I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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