i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize