ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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