This is not my ceiling
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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