Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i came on her dog
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
