They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
worst night to have a conscience
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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