He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
