shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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