I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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