Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
