Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
