Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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