He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
