I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize