hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
