i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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