Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize