I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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