4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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