brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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