You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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