Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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