definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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