I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
