Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just pee around me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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