you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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