the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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