So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
