dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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