I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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