and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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