at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
