he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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