why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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