So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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