at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
