My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
