I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
