"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bring me that man meat
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
