I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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