You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
