Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
