I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
