Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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