How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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