Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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