AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
