i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
