My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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