dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have post one night stand depression
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