I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
