I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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