I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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