I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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