It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
