8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
