I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
