remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
