what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
