All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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