drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
