So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
