dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize