I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize