he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
