His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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