you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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