I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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