If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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