Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
