if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
