Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
