before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
