'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
